


Square R1: Conspiracy of Ravens

by dracusfyre



Series: Tony Stark Bingo Challenge [6]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: FrostIron - Freeform, M/M, Tony gives it the old college try, but not a crow loki says, just send a raven thor says
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 07:36:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14848481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracusfyre/pseuds/dracusfyre
Summary: Tony tries to get in touch with Thor to give him his opinion on this whole soul bond thing (for Square R1: Laughter).  Sequel to Square R4: Read the Fine Print.





	Square R1: Conspiracy of Ravens

           Tony was halfway through his third whiskey before he felt able to talk to Loki without screaming or sobbing. He cleared his throat and said, voice carefully neutral, "So I don't suppose Thor has an email address or phone number? I have a few things I'd like to tell him."

           "I'm afraid not," Loki said with the thinnest veneer of sympathy. "You'll have to send a raven."

           Tony's head fell against the back of the couch. "A raven," he repeated. "Just any old raven will do, will it?"

           "Actually yes. Find a raven, give it a suitable offering, and tell it you would like to speak with Thor. The raven will get the message where it needs to go."

           Tony turned his head just enough to squint suspiciously at Loki, but there was only sincerity in his face and in the brand new Loki radio inside Tony's head. Not that Tony doubted for a second that Loki could lie through the soul bond. "Suppose I believe you. How in the hell do I find a raven?"

           Loki shrugged and drained his glass. "Just be sure it is a raven and not a crow. A crow will take your offering and then laugh at you with its friends."

           "What did I do to deserve this?" Tony asked his whiskey. "This is going to be my villain origin story, isn't it? Five minutes in and I'm already losing my mind."  Loki just shrugged and the bottle of Tony’s best whiskey appeared in his hand.  Tony held out his glass and Loki topped him off.  Tony sighed and said, “I’m not saying I’m convinced, but why ravens?”

            “Ravens and cats are the only creatures that can travel between realms,” Loki answered absently.  “Cats will deliver a message _eventually,_ but ravens prefer to discharge a debt immediately. Corvids are prideful that way.”

            “Oh right, of course.” Tony stared hard at Loki but there wasn’t the slightest sign of amusement, either on his face or through the soul bond.  He just sat back against the couch and propped his booted feet up on Tony’s coffee table, long fingers wrapped around the glass while his eyes were far away. “So why are you still here? I’d’ve thought you be halfway across the galaxy by now.”

            Loki’s gaze sharpened as he refocused on Tony. “To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t entirely sure this gamble would pay off.  I’ll be taking my leave shortly, I assure you.”

            “Huh.” Tony furrowed his brow and concentrated, and sure enough, when he focused on the soul bond, he could feel a deep river of relief shot through with a smug sense of self-congratulation.  “Well don’t let the metaphorical door hit you on the way out,” he said, standing. “And don’t drink all my whiskey unless you are going to pay me back for it.”

***

            Tony tried really hard to resist temptation, but around midnight his curiosity got the best of him.  “JARVIS, pull up the differences between ravens and crows,” he said, spinning around in his chair.  Loki had sounded so casually certain, and it is something that he’d actually heard Thor mention before, so scientific curiosity demanded an experiment. 

            If only to call Loki out on his bullshit.

 

            He waited until early morning on a Wednesday to go to Central Park, wearing a battered hoodie and his sunglasses as he wandered around searching for an area with more black birds than pigeons, pockets full of fruit and nut offerings. When he found one, he wandered around the grove, scattering the sunflower seeds on the ground until he spotted a pair of black birds that stood out from the rest, a little bigger and not socializing like the rest.  Checking his phone for the crows vs ravens pictures that JARVIS had supplied, he approached cautiously until they started to hop away.  He squatted down and made a pile of the berries and peanuts he’d brought from home, shooing off the other birds until what he hoped were ravens cautiously came closer.

            They kept their beady black eyes on them as they devoured the food, beaks clicking as they cracked the peanut shells and dug out the nuts inside.  Tony checked to see that the coast was clear of joggers and early morning nature fanatics and said, “I need to get a message to Thor, and I’m told you guys can do that for me.”   He waited for a response, but the birds just kept watching him, turning their heads from side to side as if taking his measure.  “Just let him know I need to speak to him. Please.”  For good measure, he set down a few raw eggs and rolled them closer to the pair.  “Um. Thank you.”

            The birds flapped their wings and croaked when he got up to leave, making him a little more certain that they were ravens. He felt a little foolish as he walked away, but honestly he’d probably done sillier things than feeding a bunch of birds early in the morning.

***

            At lunch time, Tony came up from the lab to find a pair of giant black birds standing at the door to the balcony. When they saw him, one of them tapped his beak against the glass, hopping back and forth in front of the door in a display of impatience. Tony stared at them for a moment in sheer disbelief, then glanced around the room to make sure he was alone as he approached the door.  He opened it up and the birds waddled into the room before flying a little bit to perch on the back of the couch.

            “Um. Hello?” Tony ventured.

            One of them clacked its beak a couple of times before it said, in a distorted but clear imitation of Thor’s voice, “Oh, shit. Uh, tell him I’m saving the world and I’ll stop by when I can. Did he seem mad, when he talked to you?”

            As Tony blinked, stunned, the ravens started making a harsh, barking sound, heads bobbing up and down.  He took a step back, frankly a little terrified of the razor sharp beaks, before he realized that the birds were laughing at him. As he scowled, not knowing how to feel at being the butt of a some unknown raven joke, one started hopping sideways on the back of the couch, flapping its wings until Loki fell backwards onto the couch, still laughing.

            “What the _fu_ \- Goddammit Loki!” Tony shouted. He stalked away, fuming, scowling furiously as Loki’s laughter trailed off.  “Get the hell out of here, Gandalf, you dick.”

            “It’s polite to tip the ravens, Stark,” Loki called out from the couch, voice still colored with amusement.  “Corvids have long memories.” Tony turned around to see that the raven that had delivered the message was indeed watching him expectantly.  He pointedly ignored Loki as he poured out a few more peanuts for the raven to dig through with gusto, leaving bits of shell all over the floor.  For a while there was only the clacking of a beak and the crunch of shells as Tony waited for the bird to finish and then opened the door to the balcony for it.

“Was that at all real?” Tony said when he was done cleaning up the peanut shells.  The glee in the soul bond had faded to warm good humor but Tony still refused to look at Loki.

            “Of course. Far be it from me to interfere with a raven on a mission.  I just wanted to see the look on your face. ” If Tony scowled any harder he was going to get a face cramp.

            “So Thor’s avoiding me?”

            “So it would seem.” Loki stood and clapped his hands together. “This was fun. ‘Til next time, Stark.”

            “I really hope not,” Tony said but Loki was already gone.


End file.
